The Misery of Agnosticism

I made an attempt at atheism, influenced by a few different contributing factors. One was the circle of flavorful people I'd met who seemed apathetic if not incredulous toward the God I'd learned about in church. Then there were those in church who seemed equally apathetic, if not mean. Also, there is of course the persistent inundation of introductory level science that always left the impression that man has it all figured out, and complex life is not so complex, but sprouts like bread mold under the right conditions. At any rate, my attempt was short-lived. Atheism would be impossible to maintain without ample doses of misinformation and a strict adherence to daily rigorous exercises in closed-mindedness. The spiritual is simply too obvious, whether in order in the cosmos, beauty in creation, a miracle in a hospital or a timely word from a friend or stranger. And so I arrived at agnosticism, perhaps the most miserable of all religious points of view. Militant skepticism avails itself no pleasure, or at least rest for the mind, in the beauty of nature, or purpose in life, or faith in truth, lest one be deceived. Yet surely there would be more peace in being sincerely wrong than in the constant distrust of experience, emotions, or knowledge. While agnosticism feigns open-mindedness, it is actually a stubborn refusal to reach some informed conclusion. At last I'd indulged the nagging suspicion that God wasn't there, only to be confronted with the nagging dread that He was. I was haunted most by the empty tomb of Jesus of Nazareth. It loomed occasionally in my mind, inexplicable, indismissable, a reminder of a real and personal God, who was "pleased to have all His fullness dwell in (Jesus) and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross" Colossians 1:19-20.

The Simple Life of the Atheist

Life might be simpler if I could be convinced to be an atheist. I wouldn't have to think so hard. I could smugly reduce all religious experience to the power of suggestion, morality to superstitious tradition. Maybe I could use people's religious convictions to manipulate them and have my way. It would be perfectly acceptable for me to be as aloof and inconsiderate as I tend to be; and much more so. In fact, regarding nature, or more specifically random chance and survival of the fittest, as the highest authority, that would be the only reasonable behavior to exhibit. Nevertheless, many atheists seem to spend much time attempting to convince themselves and others that we don't need a god to motivate us toward good deeds and being nice, which would seem to me to be an exercise in hypocrisy. Their altruism betrays the Tao, the Absolute Morality, the crucified and resurrected Messiah from whom all charity and self-sacrificing flow, and perhaps their fear of that Truth. Perhaps we find that helping out our neighbor adds meaning to an otherwise pointless existence in an accidental universe, but for the atheist to do so is to defy the highest authority, which mandates that I allow the weak to be eaten if I don't eat them myself. The Law of Conservation of Mass and Energy tells us everything is winding down, and so the chief end of everything in the universe is to collapse and implode into non-existence. Life would be simpler without heaven, hell, and the God who calls to us, "Here am I, here am I. All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people, who walk in ways not good, pursuing their own imaginations." Isaiah 65:2